I lost my mother at the age of just 12. I was lost and clueless at that age. I didn’t know how to live a “civilized” life. I sure as hell didn’t know how to deal with people. I had spent the 12 years of my existence being pampered and loved and ultimately spoiled.Because I was the only sister of three elder brothers.
But when I lost her, I lost everything. I became aggressive and defensive….all the time. I didn’t trust anyone, not even myself. Simply put, I hated everything. I became a rebel. And I wanted to burn the whole damn world.
I couldn’t stand anyone criticizing me. I thought I was right…all the time. I did whatever I wanted regardless of the fact how many people I hurt. And believe me, I hurt alot of people. I can’t lament enough.
Then I got married. At the age of just 17. I had my first baby after a year of marriage. And I still wasn’t happy. Then another baby after 4years. But still not satisfied and happy.
Now anybody would ask that what the hell was my problem. I had a loving husband and two beautiful kids. The problem was that I didn’t know what my freakin’ problem was. I just wanted to run away. I wanted to be alone. I still stood at the stage where I was at the age of 12. I was lost.
But then, so many things changed. or maybe I just grew up. I don’t know what happened but I changed. To the core. My father in law passed away. my third baby passed away. I went through a really rough patch in life and then I saw through people. I understood the double meanings of the what people said.That’s when I stopped caring for the shitty shit people talked about me. And I started believing in me. I started appreciating the love and kindness in my life. Little by little, I tried to return that love. That was the time when my heart started to calm down. It was feeling settled again. After so many long years. My husband became the anchor for my sinking ship. He pulled me back from the darkness. He showed me the true meaning of life and love. And I changed. Now, I can safely say that I am not what I was 5 years ago. I am a completely different person.
The point I want to make here is this. Things may seem dark and gloomy and bad, but it isn’t the end of your tale. There is always good at the end of every bad. It will come to you. You don’t necessarily have to look for it. Your life will change. In time. There will be that one person who will be your anchor in those times. That person will be the one who will believe in you, who will love you through all your bad decisions, and then guide you….with love. That person may be your parent, your siblings, your boyfriend/girlfriend, your partner, your spouse. Look for that person and change will come to you. And remember, don’t be deceived by momentary love. It will just ruin you even more.LOOK FOR TRUE LOVE. and your life will change forever. And if anyone tells you otherwise, don’t believe them. Because love CAN change everything. I promise. Just, let love lead the way. Let love find you.